


Exposure Therapy

by HPendle



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon Divergence - Post-Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Fluff and Humor, Severus Snape Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 00:09:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16922982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPendle/pseuds/HPendle
Summary: Severus Snape doesn't like children.[repost, no focus on relationships, canon-divergent, post-DH]





	Exposure Therapy

**1999**

 

If Severus had to choose one phrase that would sum up his seventeen-plus years living as Hogwarts' Potions master, it would have been: _children are terrible_.

 

He considered himself to have been lucky enough to be an only child, and know nothing about older siblings that tormented you or younger siblings you had to look after. His mother had been an only child, and his father … well, some Muggle families, specially when they're Irish Catholic, don't take too kindly to the news of one of their own marrying a witch.

 

To be perfectly fair, his only experience with children was limited to interactions with those his own age growing up; and those he had to teach while they were between the ages of eleven and eighteen. At some point between the first and second months of attempting to teach Potion-making to a sea of dunderheads and ticking hormonal time-bombs, the one truth of life was shown to him: _children are terrible_.

 

All in all, he didn't understand why one of his former students - and son of one of his former bullies, to boot -, would try to hand him a baby.

 

"This, sir, is Edward Remus Lupin," Potter announced proudly. Severus detected a hint of sadness in Potter's voice. "Remus asked me to be his godfather, so here we are. Say hello, Teddy!" Potter grabbed Baby Edward Lupin's hand, as if to wave hello at Severus, making a noise between a hiccup and a gurgle.

 

So this was Remus and Nymphadora's son. That explained the baby's blue hair: it was a Metamorphmagus, like his mother. It still didn't explain why Potter was trying to hand him the baby.

 

"Don't you want to hold him?"

 

"… Why would I?" Severus furrowed his brow, but Potter just shrugged.

 

"He is quite the charmer. Everyone's always asking to hold him, I thought you might want to." With some hesitance, Severus held out his arms and Potter placed one of the large, pale hands on the back of Teddy's head. "You have to hold - gently, sir - hold his head. They don't hold their own head up just yet - "

 

"I've held children before, Potter," Severus sneered. He hadn't. Potter knew he hadn't.

 

Well, it's not too bad, Severus thought as he looked down at the fat little creature. In fact, this one didn't seem to be terrified of him, unlike his students. He had wide brown eyes and round, rosy cheeks. He could see the appeal. Maybe, just maybe, children weren't too terrible.

 

"I think he likes you!" was the last thing Severus heard before Edward Lupin, with a miniature version of a war cry, grabbed him by the bottom of his large hook-shaped nose and yanked down hard.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**2002**

 

It hadn't been ten minutes since had crossed the threshold and he was already thinking of an excuse to leave. If he was there, it was only for the food and so Potter and Granger would get off his back for once. But he couldn't leave, because someone had gone and given him a baby, and the baby wasn't his, and he definitely didn't want to leave with it.

 

This was his first Christmas in the Burrow. Christmas had been a depressing affair when he was a child - so the year he started at Hogwarts, he decided to spend them there but it never became special. To him, it was just like any other evening, only with nicer food.

 

There were too many people here, and the amount of noise made it feel like there was at least three children per adult. In reality, there were only one small child, two toddlers, and a very small baby.

 

George Weasley, upon entering, had presented him with a baby that was not much older than Edward had been when Potter had introduced them. This baby's skin was darker and freckled all over and had a head full of ginger curls, but he decided it was just as adorable as the first baby he'd ever held. And he remembered to hold the head this time.

 

But now the baby had begun to smell, and George Weasley was nowhere to be found.

 

A woman who looked like a more emotionally stable and hair-brushing version of Bellatrix walked to him hesitantly. "Severus?"

 

"… Andromeda?"

 

She lit up in a wide, warm smile - so, definitely not Bellatrix.

 

"I almost didn't recognise you! You're so changed, you look good," she squeezed his shoulder. "I see you've met little Fred, isn't he a darling?" Severus opened his mouth to answer, beg for help even, when a squeaky voice interrupted him.

 

"I 'member him, Nan! Uncle Harry talks about him all the time," his head was still a bit too large for his body, but Teddy Lupin was no longer a baby. His brown hair turned a bright pink when he smiled. "'S Uncle Sev'rus!"

 

"Hello, young Edward," he said politely, trying to hide a smile, and the boy hugged one of his legs tightly. Something deep within him felt like it had begun brewing butterbeer, warming and slightly fizzy. A cherub-like blonde girl squealed her way towards him and, copying Teddy Lupin, hugged his other leg - and promptly dropped to sit on his foot. Instead of discouraging Victoire, Teddy copied her. 

 

This went on for a good minute. His wincing in pain only fed their giggles and need to smash his feet.

 

He could see Granger was holding in laughter. "I never thought you'd be so good with children, Professor," she teased him. He wished it were acceptable to throw the stink-bomb of a miniature human at her in retaliation.

 

"Attention, everyone! My sister has a few words for the crowd!" George Weasley reappeared. He walked to the centre of the living room, pulling a blushing Ginevra and Potter out from the small crowd.

 

"Harry and I have an, uh, announcement to make," Ginevra looked like she was struggling to contain herself. "We're pregnant! We're going to have a baby in the summer!"

 

The room exploded in celebratory cheers and a toast to the couple. The Weasley brothers waited until Potter was done snogging his wife to congratulate him on successfully defiling their only sister; who was being suffocated hug after hug after bawling hug.

 

 _Goodness fucking gracious, not more of these_ , Severus would have fainted if it hadn't meant squashing the two children threatening to turn all his ten toes to mush, and maiming the hideously-smelling baby he was holding.

 

* * *

 

 

**2005**

 

He tried to persuade Hermione, but she wouldn't have it. He had tried invoking all the wedding preparations that they still hadn't sorted through, the finicky potions that needed hands-on brewing and decanting ASAP, bribing her with the promise of books and dinners with her family and any depraved sexual acts of her choice, he even tried hiding her car keys - but she saw through every attempt.

 

So now they were on their way to Godric's Hollow to meet the newest Potter.

 

Andromeda greeted them at the door. "Come on in," her hair was greying handsomely and there were hints of laugh lines in her face, "Teddy and I were about to watch a film!" She ushered Hermione and Severus closer and her voice dropped to a whisper. "Harry and Ginny are in the room, but please be discreet when you go upstairs. Molly's just put James down for a nap, he's been in a horrid mood all week. I'm afraid they're both a little bit J-E-A-L-O-U-S of the B-A-B-Y," she explained.

 

"I am not jealous of any baby," Edward was in the middle of a sulk on the couch, "and I know how to spell now, Nan!"

 

Andromeda's cheeks turned pink. "Well, and aren't you a smart boy!"

 

"Our Teddy is the smartest boy in all his class, I bet he is," Hermione scooped him up in a big hug and kiss, cooing in the manner of honorary aunties that children outgrow quickly.

 

"Auntie Mione, no!" he whinged. "I'm big now!"

 

"No, you're a baby! You're my itty bitty baby Teddy!" Hermione sat down with the boy on her lap and showered him with tickles. She took the briefest of breaks from the very unfair tickling war to glance up at Severus as if to say, _it's best if you go in first_. He had no choice.

 

Severus had seen this scene before, but the first baby had hair as red as his mother's. He wondered if Potter looked like this when he was a baby. It was all so very strange to him.

 

Ginevra, perfect image of the Madonna in her exhaustion, handed him the small thing with a serene smile. Severus stared in awe at how perfectly formed the tiny thing was: his little nose, the rosebud of his mouth, and every wispy eyelash on its closed lids. He yawned, scrunching up his nose and wriggling his quite small and perfectly formed fingers near his face, and opened his eyes. There was the briefest of twinges in his heart when he saw the shade of green they were.

 

"He's something, isn't he?" Potter's own green eyes were full of tears. He felt the younger man's hand on his shoulder, but nothing mattered. He was holding the smallest, most perfect being. Then Potter went and fucked it up by telling him what name they had chosen for that perfect, poor, innocent creature.

 

" _You named him **WHAT**_!?"

 

In the room across the hall, James Sirius woke up wailing.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**2009**

 

"It's my turn to get her," Hermione said drowsily but barely managed to roll over. It was too late for things like this, but they knew it would happen; besides, his poor honey was so, so very exhausted lately.

 

Severus kissed her cheek before getting out of bed.  "You rest, I can handle this one," then, with a melodramatic voice, "of course, I cannot stop you if you choose to throw yourself at my feet to repay my noble deed."

 

He could see Hermione's arm poking out of the covers in the dark. "Too soon, Severus. Too soon for that. It's what got us in this mess in the first place." He didn't want to waste time figuring out which finger she'd decided to point at him.

 

Hades stood outside their bedroom door, scratching and whingeing. With a chuckle, he made his way downstairs and whistled at the Corgi from the bottom of the stairs.

 

It was the middle of the night, so he didn't mind going out in his bathrobe so he could let Hades run off to the same lamp post over on the street corner she had chosen as her urinal. _Strange creature_ , he thought to himself as they made their way back inside.

 

After checking Hades' food and water dishes, he went to the living room to check on Eris. He slept on his favourite spot by the hearth, curled up with his paws in the air.

 

His eyes travelled to the photos on the mantelpiece, so carefully curated by Hermione. At the centre, a framed photo of the surviving Order members, taken that year on the tenth anniversary celebrations of the end of the war. To the left of the frame, there was a photo of Hermione, Severus, and Edward as he left to start his first year in Hogwarts earlier that month. He chuckled softly, remembering how Hermione and Andromeda sniffled because of how grown those robes made him look. The boy had written to them that very night to tell them he'd been sorted into Hufflepuff, just like his Nan and his Grandpa Ted had been.

 

There were smaller photos of the rest of the children: some with the blonde Weasleys, with the Veela ancestry that made them look like small, pale cherubs; and Fred and Angelina's children, who were every bit as freckled as their father and had their mother's tidy halo of coiled hair, one ginger and one brown. Hugo and Rose, Ronald's children, had inherited his father's unfortunate hair - but the straight noses they got from their mother Nora, thankfully.

 

To the right there were more, with Potter's disastrously-named boys and the second Lily Potter, during her first birthday party. He decided those children were his favourite - except, of course, for Edward, who he liked best. But he'd never tell the boy that. His Nan would never let Severus live it down.

 

He had quit teaching nearly ten years ago. Ironically, it took leaving his teaching position for him to begin thinking of them as … alright. True, they were sticky and loud and seemed to get a kick of tormenting their familiars. But they also had inquisitive minds, were oddly insightful at times, and learned fast and eagerly in the right circumstances: natural scientists, to a degree. Somewhat. A wee bit. Best kept out of his laboratory at all times, but otherwise, natural scientists. And definitely, not so bad.

 

It was three in the morning, well past the acceptable hour to act the sentimental sop. He made his way back to bed.

 

"Did she go to the same corner?" Hermione's voice was drowsier than before. Severus curled up behind her with a soft groan.

 

"Same as always." He planted a gentle kiss on her cheek, then her shoulder.

 

"Strange creature," she chuckled. They fell asleep with his chest pressed to her back and his hands on her swollen belly, enjoying the feeling of gentle kicks beneath her skin.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! This is a repost since I had to re-make my profile.
> 
> J.K. Rowling is still the owner of these characters and Universe. There is no profit derived from using them for my own personal puppet show and, hopefully, your amusement.
> 
> Feedback is always welcome, but please be kind. If you'd like to become my beta-reader, do contact me through Tumblr: hidingfromsight.tumblr.com
> 
> As always, I'm very grateful you've taken the time to read this. xo


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